Saturday, March 29, 2008

IndyCar Starts Tonight...and Baseball

I'll keep this short. The IndyCar season starts tonight. 25 cars will face off on a high-speed oval in Miami with speeds over 213 mph. It will air at 8 pm (EDT) on ESPN2. Should be really cool. Not that long ago I posted on the significance of this race.

Baseball season starts tonight...for me. I'm coaching my son's 13-15 year old team along with my father-in-law and a friend that I've met through baseball and softball. We get to be the Reds. How cool is that?

I'm also off on a one week business trip Sunday through Saturday that I'm not looking forward to. Hopefully I'll blog a few times while I'm out.

Meow Meow Butterpants!

Friday, March 28, 2008

How We Talk In Hoosierland

Here in Indiana we really don't have much of an accent. However, we do have a few words that are somewhat unique to the area. I'm certain that many of these words transcend our fair state and into the depths of the Midwest (or at least Ohio and Michigan), but that's ok. So, here they are...

hun - nerd (hŭn' nurd)
-noun definition: a cardinal number, ten times ten.

prol - ly (prol' ee)
-adverb definition: with considerable certainty; without much doubt
(NOTE: This is sometimes pronounced "probly".

sa - tis - tic (suh tis' tik)
-noun definition: a numerical fact or datum, esp. one computed from a sample.
If you're confused, I can use all three of these words in a single sentence for you:

There was prolly over three hunerd people in Earl's satistic class, but he skipped out to watch basketball on tv and play in a euchre tournament.

And speaking of "Midwest" I had a business associate from Australia asking me the other day why Indiana is considered the Midwest. I assumed that it prolly had something to do with what the country looked like on a map a couple hunerd years ago when Indiana was right in the middle of the western portion of the United States.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Familyman Ministries

Almost every year my wife and I will venture to downtown Indianapolis to attend the Indiana Homeschool Convention. It's at this show many years ago that I was first exposed to the ministry of Todd Wilson. His Familyman Ministries is a great resource for dads. Todd, who grew up just down the road from Big Doofusland in Danville, Indiana, knows a thing or two about being a dad as he has seven of his own kids. His mission, in a nutshell, is to "remind dad's of what's important" and he does it through his speaking engagements, his weekly newsletter, books and the Familyman Ministries web site. But the most important thing to remember is that HE'S VERY FUNNY. Humor speaks to me, especially when it tugs on your heart strings as a husband and father the way Todd does it. Men, if you're reading this, be sure to stop by his website and sign up for the weekly newsletter.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Wonton Wednesday

A former blogger came up with a great idea: Wanton Wednesday. Basically, it's a day where you can ramble on about all kinds of unrelated items (which is normal for this blog, anyway). I'm going to blatantly steal her idea and take it a step further. I give you.... (insert gong sound)


Why Do You Blog?
Keep the comments coming (see the post below this one). I'm really enjoying what you have to say and sometime I'll share my own reasons and some of yours in a new post.

That Annoying Hillshire Farms "Go Meat" Commercial.
You have spoken...and I think I've made my point. This is the most annoying, stupid, worthless commercial ever and it should be destroyed. However, it's SO BAD that it needs to be preserved. So, I'm going to nuke the link on my blog that makes it play every time you visit, but I'll still provide a link in case you want to go and see it or subject someone else to it.

Meow Meow Butterpants There's no significance to this headline at all. It's Wonton (or Wanton) Wednesday and I can say whatever I want. But I also want to be the #1 destination anytime someone performs a Google search for the phrase "meow meow butterpants." Wish me luck.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Why Do You Blog

I've been at this for well over a year now--i.e. blogging. I have my reasons for doing it, but they sure aren't the same as my reasons when I set out. Blogging has been an incredible experience--something that really surprised me. I will share my reasons for blogging in a later post, but for now I want to ask you all why you blog. Take a minute or to and leave me a comment.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Manly Blogging Award

I just want to thank my wife, Miss Sniz, for giving me this very special blogging award:

She didn't think that I'd actually post it on my blog!!! Nothing says, "Manly Man" like two kittens cuddling in a field of warm green grass. Thanks, sweets. In order to MAN-IT-UP a few notches, I've decided to add a few things via the magic of Photoshop. These are just a few attempts. If you have better ideas, please let me know.

1. BEER - There's just something manly about a big bottle of Budweiser and these kitties are enjoying The High Life (wait, that's Miller--oh well).

- Bowling is also a very manly activity. Plus, Albert Einstein and Stephan Hawking proved that beer and bowling are scientifically linked. You can look it up online.

- Now here's a masculine activity--staring at power tools. Besides the hammer (nature's purest tool) the chainsaw is the perfect solution to just about any household or yard related problem. You can't see their faces, but you know they're lovin' this 20" Craftsman. Oh, and notice how even the brand Craftsman has the word MAN in it. Perfect!

- This is where it all comes together. For this image I removed the kitties from their usual setting and brought them to a place where guys can be guys--the gridiron (i.e. football field). What's better than watching the game with your friends on tv? Being at the game! What's better than just being at the game? Being on the sidelines to see the action up close? What's better than being on the sidelines? Being on the field of play. However, these little guys might be just a little too close. More than likely, they're going to get run over by Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints and the pursuing Eagles defender. Plus, if Reggie Bush's touchdown counts, they may may have to dodge a spiked ball. LOOK OUT, KITTIES!!!!

A FEW OTHER NOTES: I changed the text to a font called "Bloody" and made it red. I also decided that this picture should be sponsored by Nike. Finally, some of you may object to the manliness of one kitty putting his arm around the other. Normally, guys don't do that. But when the setting is a football game, that changes everything.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Go Meat?

UPDATE (3/26) - I've removed the link that plays the commercial on my blog. If you can't get enough, go to the link listed on the image and play it all you want.

This commercial plagues me. It comes on all the time (especially on the Game Show Network and The Food Network) and I cannot understand HOW IT EVER CAME TO BE. I understand that sometimes advertisers make something that is annoying on purpose as a way to get our attention. However, I don't think that is the case here. This is, without a doubt, the worst commercial ever made. Please don't bother telling me that something else is worse. It's just not true.

This is awful. Seriously, what's the point of it all? Are all of the people supposed to come off as being dumb? I don't think so. If that were the case, I think I'd give them a little credit. Why would anyone comment about the stack of meat on someone else's sandwich? Why are there detectives looking at it with a magnifying glass? Why would you need a magnifying glass to see it? Why is it that one of the uniformed police officers suddenly becomes a drill sergeant? Why do some of the people look like they are characters from a Dick Tracy cartoon and others look like real people? Who sings about meat?

It's bad. Bad! Bad! Bad! For weeks I would not allow it to air in my home. I would force the kids to change the channel, hit the pause button (the beauty of having a DVR) or throw a rock through the tv screen (this cost me hundreds of dollars). Are you catching on to just how much I hate this commercial? My pure hatred (and this is the good kind of hatred) is so bad that I'm even allowing the commercial to be seen on my blog.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Ladies, Impress Your Men!

I know that there are quite a few chicks...OOPS!!!!, I mean ladies that read my blog. So, I've decided to give you all a tip to impress the men in your lives with your vast sports knowledge. Later on this evening or within the next few days, walk up to your man while he's reading the sports page (unless he's in the bathroom) or doing anything else that's guy-related and say the following:

"Can you believe Butler is only a seven seed? What does it take for a hardworking, fundamental basketball team like that to get some respect from the selection committee? And what's the deal with this stupid 'Play-in' game anyway? No one really thinks that game is part of the tournament, right? I sure wish the "braintrust" (be sure to make the universal quotation marks sign with your fingers) that runs college football would come up with a real way to determine a national champion. The BCS is such a joke."
Let me know what happens next.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I Don't Care About Your Brackets

It's NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament season. I love it. Most guys do. The country goes crazy over it. And, like most folks, I like to play some sort of a game with friends and/or co-workers where I make my own picks and compete against others. You can play for money or pride...or both.

Do you want to know who I'm picking to win the National Championship? Of course you don't. And why would you? This is exactly how I feel. I get so annoyed at turning on the radio or television and hearing everyone's "picks" or "brackets." (Memo to ESPN: we're all tired of the made up word, "bracketology.")

I like to listen to sports radio but this time of year I have to turn it off. This disease goes beyond the sports "experts." In addition to Dick Vitale's picks, you also get to hear who Angelina Jolie or Eddie Deezen thinks will win the national championship. There's also the local flavor you are forced to endure. Just turn on your evening news and your weather forecaster will tell you that he's picked North Carolina to win it all.

I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Pancake Hugs

This morning at church I got a pancake hug from my youngest (aka "Snip"). I'm sure you don't know what that means because I just made it up. Sometime last year I told the kids that Sunday would be a special breakfast day. I'd make sure to get up and make a breakfast for everyone before church. It sounded like a good idea at the time...because it was. Of course, I stopped doing it. Kids don't remember things like that anyway, right? Right? Duhhh. You betcher darn tootin' they remember. They don't have a lot going on in their lives to keep track of, so it's easy for them to memorize entire levels of video games and remember "promises" we make to them.

So, last night I was reminded of my Sunday breakfast idea from little Snip. She said something like, "Daddy, remember when you said you were going to make breakfast for us on Sundays? You don't do that anymore? Are you still going to do it?"

How am I supposed to dodge that one? I felt pretty bad about it and decided to bring it back. So, this morning I got up and made a batch of homemade pancakes. All of the kids were pleased to have a nice hot breakfast, but little Snip was especially happy and thankful. Later on at church she gave me a BIG HUG (what I now refer to as the "pancake hug") and bragged about me to her cousin Snap.

Have you ever made homemade pancakes? It's really not that difficult and they taste so much better than the kind from the box. If you have leftovers you can throw them in the freezer and they will be obliterated in the next week by your hungry kids--or anyone else that you have in the house. Here's the recipe I use (below). This is actually a double recipe of the original. It's supposed to make 24 pancakes, but they'd have to be very little. Suffice it to say, this is usually enough for my family of five.


Throw the following into your SIFTER* and then into a big bowl:
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
4 teaspoons baking powder


2 Eggs (slightly beaten)
4 Tablespoons Sugar (Sugar is a wet ingredient. Ask Alton Brown)
1 1/2 Cups milk
4 Tablespoons cooking oil (I use canola oil)
1 Teaspoon Vanilla extract (if you want--I do)

Slowly add the sugar and beat into eggs. Then you can add the milk and oil.

Mix the WET INGREDIENTS (bowl #2) into the DRY INGREDIENTS (bowl #1). Mix just enough to get everything wet. Don't stir too much and don't worry about lumps.

Pour pancake sized amounts onto a medium high electric skillet (or whatever you use). Leave room for them to expand and if you want you can even pick up the pan and let them move around a bit. If you want to add something like blueberries or chocolate chips now is the time. Just plop them onto the pancakes.

When you see bubbles throughout the pancakes, they are ready to be turned. Then, just keep an eye on them until they are done.

For best results set them on a wire rack when you take them out.

Now eat them and wait for your pancake hugs. They are worth it (i.e. the pancakes and the hugs.)

*If you don't have a sifter, get one. They're cheap.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Come, Sing, Fall, Cry, Dance, Fly

Happy Friday to you all. I know this blog tends to be light-hearted and pointless most of the time (it's my gift to humanity), but today I'm going to share something with a little more meat. It's also about my faith. I hope you'll read on, anyway.

This Sunday at church I'm singing a Chris Rice tune called "Untitled Hymn." It's a very simple song in both words and melody. But what I love about it is that it tracks the lifespan of just about anyone that has put their faith in Christ:

  • You trust in Him for what you cannot do.
  • You realize that a load has been lifted from you.
  • You start to walk with Him and stumble from time to time (or stumble a lot--that's the case with most of us).
  • You still struggle with loneliness and pain, but discover that you have someone to cry to...someone who really understands you.
  • From time to time you experience great joy.
  • Finally, you go to be with Him forever.
It doesn't paint an unrealistic picture of a pain-free life. It's very real and that appeals to me.

Here are the words:

Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus)

by Chris Rice

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

My Drive To Work Today

There were two interesting things that happened on the way to work this morning. First off, there was an angry, impatient guy in a big black truck behind me that honked repeatedly at me because he wanted me to make my left turn--INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC. After I DID make the turn, he drove around me and I think he was trying to get me to pull over for a good old fashioned red-neck road rage fight. I'm not kidding. I didn't take him up on it. I hope that doesn't make me any less of a man.

Secondly, I saw one tow truck pulling another tow truck. That's something I've never seen in my entire life and answers so many questions that I've had in life.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Busy and Overblogulated

First off, I'd like to apologize to my readers for not contributing for a while.

Mom and Miss Sniz: sorry


Actually, my mom doesn't read my blog that I know of. So, I guess my apology just goes out to my wife, Miss Sniz.

I think I burned out on trying to stay up-to-date on so many blogs with commenting and then coming up with stuff for my own. It was just too much. Have any of you had similar experiences? I decided to back off a bit and deal with more pressing things--like Halo 3 (Tappity---we need to play. I've gotten much better.). Actually, I'm dealing with a HUGE work project these days--busy, busy.

I'm also grieving over the fact that the Reds let Josh Hamilton go to the Texas Rangers. Mr. E, enjoy him. He's a ball player.

Of course, I'm REALLY pre-occupied by the upcoming IndyCar Series. The first race is March 29th at Homestead (Miami) and it's a night race. W'hoo!!!!! Open wheel racing season begins in a few weeks.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Bra Commercials

So, Miss Sniz, the Bird (10 year old daugher) and I are sitting around the fireplace watching TV when a bra commercial comes on. When this happens, I realize that it's my duty as a man to look away. But this commercial was different. The lady announcer actually said something about being modest. That's right...MODEST!!!! Can you imagine that in this day and age?

Thursday, March 6, 2008

I Hate Headphones

I have a love/hate relationship with headphones. It doesn't matter how much I baby them, they always end up crapping out on me. I hate it when I can only get audio in one ear!!!!

I wish I had something of substance to offer you today, but that's it. However, I did find this on the Internet today...

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Were You Paying Attention?

If you were really bored when (if) you read my blog yesterday, you may have noticed that one of my links took you to a page about Skittles on Wikipedia. It's important to remember that Wikipedia's content is from users like you and me. Anyone can add content to Wikipedia. That's why you should NEVER rely on it.

But I LOVE wikipedia--not so much because there's actually some good information there, but because every once in a while you find a real gem. So, if you happened to click on that link and then scroll down to the "Ingredients and Properties" section, you were able to read this:

In China, a bag of Skittles sweets contains: sugar, glucose syrup, fruit juices, milk (5.1%), hydrogenated vegetable fat, citric acid & trisodium citrate,rare parts of cow hoofs, dextrin, maltodextrin, flavorings & colourings, glazing agents, vegetable oil.
Leave it to the Chinese to make Skittles even better with 5.1% milk (tastier than whole milk and 2% milk) and rare parts of cow hoofs. Whoever it was that added this content, I SALUTE YOU!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Happy Tuesday to You All

I'm not sure why, but Tuesday is usually my biggest blog day. When I look at my stats, I'm amazed at how much traffic I get on Tuesdays. It literally doubles. So, that means that my wife and mother are both reading it on the same day!!!

But seriously, Tuesday is a big day for some reason. I've been posting a lot and I figured if this is the day that everyone comes by to check out the blog, I'd just give a quick review of everything that has gone on here since last Tuesday.

Wednesday - February 27, 2008 I revealed the frustration I feel based on the estimated reading level required to read my blog.

Thursday, February 28, 2008 We remembered the old sign from Indy's historic Motel Catalina. By the way, the place is a dump and they may or may not offer hourly rates--if you catch my drift. I hope you were all able to pick up on my sarcasm.

Friday, February 29, 2008 Someone reminded me of an old idea for a new comic strip that combines Marmaduke and Ziggy and I shared a link for the genius idea: Garfield Minus Garfield.

Saturday, March 1, 2008 I had a bad experience with crack.

Sunday, March 2, 2008 Didn't bother posting anything. It was a glorious day outside and I enjoyed it.

Monday, March 3, 2008 Too depressed to create an entry, I spent the entire day scouring the Internet for the history of Skittles.

See you all soon.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Totally CRACKED Me Up - Thanks Toni

I'm a big fan of my pal, Toni's blog - In the Midst of This Season. She's a great writer, HILL-LARRY-US, goes to my church, and is also a buddy of my wife. Recently, she blogged about her own personal dream team. In summary this is a detailed narrative of some of the more eccentric service and repair folks that have done work in her home. One such repairman was Billy Clyde. As a result of a wardrobe malfunction or oversight, Billy's gluteal cleft was left exposed to the elements--and everyone else that happened to walk by. In other words, his pants were not tight enough around his waist and his butt crack was showing.

Unfortunately, we've all seen this. I got a big laugh out of Toni's post and then when I was driving home I got a BIG DOSE of roadside gluteal cleft. While buzzing down the Interstate, I noticed a car pulled over. A man who must have been related to Billy Clyde was probably fixing a flat tire and needed to get in the trunk. I'm SO THANKFUL that I never saw him bend over. He was standing upright when I drove by. However, at least six to eight inches of "gc" was exposed while he was standing. In fact, I'd say that most of his buttocks was hanging out of his pants. How does something like this happen? Is there a shortage of elastic waist bands or belts in our country? The temperature was near or below freezing. Didn't he notice a nip in the air...or on his derriere?