Saturday, October 27, 2007

Talking Animals Again

The other day the wife convinced me that we should record the new version of The Shaggy Dog for the kids. I was reluctant as I was sure this movie was too silly (in the trivial way) for anyone to watch--let alone like. But I have to admit...this movie falls into the "guilty pleasure" category for me. Plus, I set myself up for this a few days ago and I have a history of liking movies like this (e.g. Homeward Bound). So...there. I've said it.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Fortune Cookies

Guess what? I'm not the only male who blogs. Thanks to my wife's widely successful blog, I've found others like Tappity Tappity who recently shared about how he was inspired by a fortune cookie.

It reminded me of one of my favorite jokes from Gary Shandling. Whenever I'm at a Chinese restaurant eating a fortune cookie I look down at the fortune with a strange expression on my face until someone asks me what it says. I look up and say,

"It's hand-written. And it says, I peed in your rice."

It gets a laugh every time.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Baby! Baby!

If you want to understand my sense of humor (most of you have better things to do, but as long as you're reading my blog--why not?), watch this new commercial from Jeep:

If you had trouble making it out, go HERE and click on the little banner that looks like this:

There are several successful elements in this commercial that make it work for me:

  1. Talking animals
  2. Singing animals (but not the kind you see on the flea and tick collar commercials)
  3. A Neil Diamond song (fun and cheesy at the same time)
  4. Animals attempting to eat other animals
  5. The look on the guy's face when the wolf chomps one of the singing birds
  6. The wolf's first singing line, "Baby! Baby!"
It's the wolf that really makes the spot work for me.

Of course, I have no intention of buying a Jeep, but I love being entertained in sixty second increments.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

From the Boom Operator of...

Sniz and I took in a rare movie the other day. We managed to miss some of the coming attractions, but I was struck by the fact that two of the trailers (which aired back to back) were billed as having some sort of link to the same movie:

P.S. I Love You - "From the producer of The Devil Wears Prada"
27 Dresses - "From the screenwriter of The Devil Wears Prada"

I don't ever recall seeing...

"From the Gaffer of The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland"
"From the Foley Artist of Ishtar"
"From the Next Door Neighbor of the Key Grip of Gigli"

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Congratulation Barb!!!!

Just up the street from my office is one of the 3,000 (give or take a few) Burger King restaurants in our metropolitan area. Yesterday the sign on the store said...

I've been pondering the significance of this sign for quite a while now (I have a long commute). Did Barb have something to do with the return of the Italian Chicken or is Barb just a big fan of the Italian Chicken. And who is Barb? Moreover, what or who is the Italian Chicken?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Donut Shop - After Hours

I have a secret to admit. Sometimes, on my way into work, I stop off at my favorite donut shop for a morning snack. It's a local place. The kind of place you feel good about supporting (which nearly neutralize the guilt associated with eating so many donuts).

Well, one day I was driving by that same donut shop on the way home from work. It was around 5:45 in the evening and I noticed that the "Open" sign was still lit up on the door. I looked at the door and, sure enough, they're open until 6:00 p.m. every week day! I had no idea they were open so late. Suddenly, there were new possibilities in my life. The only thing better than a secret pre-work donut would be a secret after-work donut--right?

So, I walk in and notice the only other person in the shop besides me is an employee who is standing behind the cash register. I looked down into the glass covered shelves where the donuts are kept to see that there is not a single one on display.

", don't have any donuts now, do you?" I ask...or state (I'm not sure).

"No, not this late," replies the donut lady.

Of course not! I think to myself and awkwardly walk out of the store. But, for the life of me, I cannot figure out WHY the store was still open.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Googins Online

Oohvahlappy (Uvulapie) is responsible for this. I give him full credit. He deserves it. He recently had to add a user by the name of "Googins" to his client list. This may be the funniest name ever. I might have thought he was making it up until I decided to search for "googins" on google (hey, there's an interesting similarity there...but I digress).

1. Googins & Anton - Financial Planners

"Your goals...Your dreams...Your priorities...Your googins.

2. Where Googins Families Lived in the US Since 1920

If you want to escape from the Googins, your best bet is to head west. But whatever you do, DON'T GO TO MAINE BECAUSE THAT PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH GOOGINS!!!

3. Honey, I "stumbled upon" a googins today.

Either Googins isn't being completely honest or he's still holding out for puberty.

4. Googins Lodge!

This is great because it finally brings together "Googins" and "Lemuel". Imagine the fun you'll have inside.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Office Candy Kid Scheme of 2007

Today while standing in Dave's doorway at work (he's our President) I was a firsthand witness of what I'm calling The Office Candy Kid Scheme of 2007. This little boy of 10 years (my guess) walks in the front door and makes a bee-line for me and Dave, who is sitting at our desk. Now, I know my co-workers pretty well, but I don't know what all of their kids look like. So, I'm thinking this must be Dave's kid--even though I was pretty sure his sons were in college (you never know). As it turns out, Dave thought the boy was mine. Anyway, he stops in front of us and begins to speak very loudly, "WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A BOX OF CANDY TO SUPPORT MY SCHOOL. WE'RE SELLING...(blah, blah, blah--you've heard the pitch)."

That's when I noticed the boxes of candy in his hand. You know the kind I'm taking about. You pay five to ten dollars for a small box of tasteless, waxy chocolate. I politely told him we were not interested and expected him to leave. However, he started to head to Dan's office to give the same pitch. I stopped him before he could go any further and politely told him that no one in our office was interested and that he should go ahead and hit the next place.

He turned around and headed for the door. But on his way out, he stopped and noticed something out of the corner of his eye. This is where I'll let the video (no audio) tell the story a bit...

As you can see, we keep some candy in our office to munch on throughout the day. There's no audio on the video, but you're not missing anything. He never bothered to ask. On his way out, he decided to help himself to several pieces of our candy!!!!! How ironic!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Beware of this book...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

There's something about it that just looks suspicious. I can't put my finger on it.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Technical Reminders of Lonliness

I looked at my YouTube account today and was reminded of just how much of a loser I really am.
Do I really need the Internet to remind me of this?

Monday, October 1, 2007

A REAL Church Bulletin Blooper

I'm sure many of you have seen the collection of church bulletin bloopers (i.e. typos) that have been circulating the Internet for years. In case you haven't, here's a quick example of what I'm talking about:

"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

"Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help."

"Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons."

These bloopers have been floating around so long that it's hard to tell if they are real or not. But yesterday, we had a REAL ZINGER of a blooper in our own church bulletin. I'm not making this one up:

"Continue to pray for John B. John had a tree fall on him a few weeks ago, and his keg was broken in two places."

Of course, we're all heartbroken for John, whose keg was broken. But maybe it was an act of God. It's one thing to keep a few beers in the fridge (only for use in cooking, of course) but having your own keg is another issue.