Monday, June 29, 2009

Survey of Miscellaneous Things

Since there are still a few of you left from the Cake Wrecks link onslaught, I thought I'd gather your opinions on a few miscellaneous items (and kudos to me for guessing the correct spelling of "miscellaneous" the very first time when it's much easier to spell "randumb").

If you wish to participate, just leave a comment with the number or numbers to the questions you're responding to (or whatever). I may get fancy and create some sort of a follow-up post in the near future with a pie chart...or maybe just a big piece of pie. Pie sounds good. I've forgotten what it was that I was writing about. Something about homemade raspberry pie, I think.

So, here are the questions:

1. How many times do you need to tell a 15-year-old boy NOT to leave food/candy wrappers sitting all over the house (even when he's only officially allowed to eat in one room of the house)?

  • a. once
  • b. twice
  • c. five times
  • d. I'm still counting. It's at least 100.
2. When you're in a two lane round-a-bout and you pop in next to someone else how do you proceed?
  • a. Allow the person who was there first to have the right-of-way
  • b. This is a passing opportunity--just like NASCAR. W'hoo!
  • c. If you're on the outside and you have the other person on the inside of the round-a-bout, see how long you can go around the circle.
  • d. "Look kids, Big Ben...Parliament."
3. I like to read blogs because...
  • a. It gives me something to do in between Facebook and/or Twitter
  • b. I like learning about the lives of exciting people like..."Big Doofus." ;)
  • c. It beats working
  • d. It keeps my mind off of petty responsibilities like taking care of the kids, house, etc.

Friday, June 26, 2009

I Am the Bathroom Stalker!!!!

Most of you know how it is at work when you pop into the restroom and see someone else in there. It's no big deal because science has proven that 92% of all people actually use the bathroom at least once a day (Go ahead and look it up. I think I found it on Wikipedia). When you run into the restroom and see the same person in there again, it might become something to snicker at--especially if you're on speaking terms with the person.

"Looks like we're on the same bathroom schedule, eh Bob?"
Mild snickering ensues.
When it happens the third time, the mood might change from mildly amusing to puzzling.
"Wow, Bob. This is really weird."
Complete silence...or maybe the sound of crickets in the background.
If it happens the forth time, you've coincidentally entered a new phase in your relationship with Bob. You've gone from "friendly work acquaintance" to "freaky bathroom stalker."
"Uhhhh...Bob? I'm not have no idea what....ah...."
Calamity and/or a ruckus follows. If you're a female and this situation takes place in the ladies room you end up with a nose full of pepper spray and fall to the floor in a confused state of shock and shame.
And you may or may not get invited to the office Christmas party.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Back To Normal

Sadly I checked into the blog today to see if there was any activity and it looks like all of the new readers are now new former readers. Such is life in the fast-paced world of Internet weblogging. I'll have to go back to bugging my wife to read the blog and paying out 25 cents a week to Uvulapie--enough clams for him to get into his time machine and travel back to 1997 to watch new episodes of Touched By An Angel and purchase a can of corn at Aldis.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

FAILing Representatives

Argue all you want about politicians with hidden agendas, but MY state Reps are looking out for people...

I had no idea that it was inappropriate for adult males to spray tan nude minors. Sheesh. I submitted this to the folks at FAILblog a while back but it didn't get enough votes to make it to their main page. Who needs 'em! It's a genuine screen shot from the Indianapolis Star a few months ago.

On another note, here's what happens when your rarely viewed blog gets a nice link from Cake Wrecks...
Finally, since there may be people sticking around to see what this site is all about (mostly nothing), you might want to check out this old post: Manly Blogging Award.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

This Sight Has Bin Recked!

I'm a regular reader of the Cake Wrecks blog. I know that I've mentioned it quite a few times here and perhaps I've convinced some of you to join me in checking it out each and every day for cakes gone wrong. In fact, I was just reminding my wife two nights ago that when my next birthday rolls around (the big 4-0) I want my cake to say, "Happy 40th Birthday! Fireworks Explosion" in honor of this cake from Cake Wrecks:

(Here's the link behind it if you care to read the story.)

Last month I nearly died laughing at the "Happy Falker Satherhood" Cake Wrecks entry and decided to add to the lore of this holiday in my blog. I had no idea that it would get tagged by the Cake Wrecks blog and bring so many new people to my obscure blog home (welcome, by the way...just don't touch anything). I went from 9 stalkers to 24 stalkers in the course of a day. Now I feel compelled to contribute something to society.

Here it is...I call it, "Fun with plastic water bottle caps and permanent markers."

Monday, June 22, 2009

Another Name

Feel free to check my last entry for the appropriate way to pronounce the name, La-Sha. One of you had obviously heard it before.

And so it continues. One of my Sales Managers informed me today that his pop-up display was destroyed by an airline and that they'd be calling me to settle up. Sure enough, a few minutes later I got a call from a Customer Service Representative with the last name, "Gouge." I was telling her how much the display cost. It was quite expensive and I wanted to show her the actual invoice for verification. I told her I would do that so that she didn't think I was trying to "gouge" her. No joke. Well, it sounded like a joke and I surely didn't mean it that way. Believe it or not, she thought it was pretty funny when I said it...and her company did an outstanding job of taking care of things. I won't tell you what airline she works for but their headquarters are in the southwest part of our country.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Fun With Names

I've encountered some interesting names in my lifetime. I went to school with girls named Dusty Knuckles and Crystal Waters. There was a guy with the last name Horney and another girl whose last name was "Loser" (pronounced LOW-zhur). A few years ago I worked with a guy named Bob Albaugh and whenever he said his name it sounded like Ba-Ba-Baa.

But yesterday at work we received a call from a customer whose name was spelled this way...


She spelled out her name over the phone and then proceeded to tell us how it was pronounced. Any guess on how to correctly say it? I will reveal the correct answer in a few days.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Classic Commercial (for me, anyway)

If you've read this blog more than once then it will be no surprise to you that I love the following commercial:

(Click here to watch it on YouTube--I couldn't embed it on my blog.)

Many of you have probably seen it, but I don't want to give it away to you just in case. However, I've decided to comment on it below...

Actually, I think it deserves to be written out so it can be fully enjoyed.

PASSENGER: I don't even know why I bother. (pause)

PASSENGER: Do you wanna go home?

DRIVER: (muffled growl)

PASSENGER: You don't pay attention to what I say. You're not even listening now, are you?

Quacking ducks heard in the background.


PASSENGER: No! What are you doing? No! No ducks! Oh you are in SO much trouble! BAD DOG! Nooooooooo! Mother of....pearl!
Where do I begin? This one hits on so many levels. You instantly assume that the man is talking to a woman and then what could be funnier than a driving pooch chasing after ducks in his truck.

Like I said, this commercial is right up my alley and reminds me of a few similar posts:

The Bud Light "Sausages" Dog

Orbit's Stinky McStinkface

And the Jeep Neil Diamond Commercial

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tobacco and Nascar!

I've written extensively (ad nauseum) about my long work commute. The best way to get to and from my office is to stay on the interstate highways, set the cruise control and mindlessly prod along until I reach my destination. It saves time and money over the long run and that's fine by me. However, sometimes I just cannot stand to go the same way so I veer off the familiar paths to some of the lesser traveled roads and streets across Indianapolis.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

(from The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost)
Such was my journey to work today and I'm not sure if it "made all the difference" but it did produce a great picture and blog post fodder thanks to my handy Motorola Razr mobile phone...

You see, it's a store and they sell, TOBACCO & NASCAR. I stopped long enough to snap this picture, but I may need to make another run in this direction to see what's actually inside. It sort of reminds me of my favorite strip malls that offer seperate stores for check cashing, firearms and liquor all in one convenient location. I've blogged about similar things here (Karate Guns Tanning) and here (Fireworks Stand Marketing 101), if you're interested.

As long as I'm quoting some of the best, well-known poetry of Western Civilazation in this post, it's only appropriate that I leave you with the words of former Nascar driver and now NASCAR television analyst, Darrel Waltrip...

Boogity! Boogity! Boogity!

Monday, June 15, 2009

It's Called, "Cilantro"

For the past few years I've grown cilantro in my garden. This weekend I realized that I have an abundance of this leafy herb and I decided to cut some up and give it to two of my neighbors. I was shocked when I gave it to them only to hear them ask me, "What is it?" But then I recalled purchasing it at the store on several occasions when the check-out person didn't even know what it was. What is wrong with you people? Cilantro is used in Mexican food, Indian food, Thai food, Vietnamese food, etc. It smells wonderful and you could put it on just about anything to add flavor. If you like cilantro, add it to your salsa recipe.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Milk and possible CCTV

My co-worker friend and I were hitting a local KFC/A&W drive-thru recently and couldn't help but laugh at two signs affixed to the window.

1. According to this sign, the KFC/A&W might have a CCTV surveillance system in place. But then again...they might not. Who knows. I've always thought a good deterrent sign would be something like, "NOTICE: EMPLOYEES ARE TO STUPID TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO OPEN SAFE."

2. What? The hot dogs contain "MILK"? Really? So, is this real milk or, wait...WHY do the hot dogs contain milk? Do they contain meat?

Monday, June 1, 2009

Walking the Dog?

Yesterday my son and I were driving through the neighborhood and saw a middle aged woman taking a walk with her dog along the sidewalk. This would be completely normal except for the fact that the lady was carrying the dog! Something has gone terribly wrong in this world.