Friday, June 26, 2009

I Am the Bathroom Stalker!!!!


Most of you know how it is at work when you pop into the restroom and see someone else in there. It's no big deal because science has proven that 92% of all people actually use the bathroom at least once a day (Go ahead and look it up. I think I found it on Wikipedia). When you run into the restroom and see the same person in there again, it might become something to snicker at--especially if you're on speaking terms with the person.

"Looks like we're on the same bathroom schedule, eh Bob?"
Mild snickering ensues.
When it happens the third time, the mood might change from mildly amusing to puzzling.
"Wow, Bob. This is really weird."
Complete silence...or maybe the sound of crickets in the background.
If it happens the forth time, you've coincidentally entered a new phase in your relationship with Bob. You've gone from "friendly work acquaintance" to "freaky bathroom stalker."
"Uhhhh...Bob? I'm not sure...er....I have no idea what....ah...."
"HELP!!!! HELP!!!! SOMEONE CALL SECURITY. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Calamity and/or a ruckus follows. If you're a female and this situation takes place in the ladies room you end up with a nose full of pepper spray and fall to the floor in a confused state of shock and shame.
And you may or may not get invited to the office Christmas party.

4 comments:

Hunnybee said...

Only 92%? Who are these other 8%. I want to know their secret. On second thought, maybe I really, really DON'T want to know.

Yeah, I don't want to know. Nevermind.

Arby said...

My daughter is one of the 8%. She accomplishes this task through the slightly hunched over stance with the look of extreme concentration on her face as she squeezes her cheecks so tightly you'd swear they will switch sides. Every three or four days nature gets the best of her and she relents long enough to sit down. We've taken to judging the quality of her visits by how many plunges it takes to clear the bowl. I have no idea why I'm sharing this. Feel free to skip over this comment.

Randy said...

Unless the guy has a prostate problem I think women probably are in there more. Nothing biased about gender here ladies! When I was taking trips, it seemed my girlfriend couldn't resist the temptation to stop at every rest area we came to. I'd actually like to see stats on that though!

Sniz said...

I laughed out loud (Yeah, I refuse to use the acronym) at this post, and Arby's comment was the icing on the cake. Kuddos, BD, kuddos.