Monday, January 14, 2008

I Left My Wife This Morning...

Ok, so I'm stealing Scott's idea from Honey, I Fed The Kids. To be more precise, I had to leave town this morning for a three day business trip to Orlando. I don't travel too much (5-7 times a year), so I don't think it causes too much of a strain on Miss Sniz, but I know she's not loving the fact that I'm looking out the window at a palm tree while she (it's only Orlando, folks--don't get too excited) can only see gray skies and snow. Those of you who pray--please do so for my wife.

I don't have much to say today other than the fact that I want to report on a guy that was on the plane. I didn't actually have a conversation with him, but I could hear everything he said because he was standing behind me having a conversation with the guy in 7D. Here's what I know about him:

  • He sat in first class
  • He lives in Orlando
  • He makes the Orlando/Indy flight on a very regular basis
  • He has a family (sounded like wife and kids)
  • He knows most of the flight attendants by name
  • He picks up food for them whenever he makes the flight.
  • He rubbed the arm of one of the flight attendants way too much
  • He works in the automotive sales industry
  • He makes a lot of money (or at least wants everyone to know that he does)
  • He referred to most of the ladies on the plane as, "darling, toots, sweetie," etc.
  • He makes 30 pounds of beef jerky at home every month
  • Instead of saying that the guy in 7D could "hang" out with them, he said that they could "hack" out with them. I'm not sure what that means.
Now, it's up to you, fine readers everywhere, to make up more facts about this guy or even create a story. He also needs a name as I didn't catch it.

Off to my trade show.


JAN said...

His name is Stan Barclay. He not only has a family in Orlando, he has a wife and 2 teenage sons in Indy. 30 pounds of beef jerky a week is code for "I grow marijuana in my basement"-he wanted to know if the guy in 7D wanted to come over and smoke some with him and his 2 sons. "Hack" is the newest lingo for "smoking pot".

Thomas Kingsley Troupe said...

- He wears a 10 gallon hat on his 5 gallon head.
- He doesn't smoke cigarettes, but eats them like candy.
- He has a tattoo of Bob Saget on his hind-quarters.
- His glass eye can be removed to store 'stuff' in there.
- He gets a subscription of AirMall at his home address.

Scott said...

- By "automotive sales industry," he means he collects Hotwheels and sells them on eBay out of his bedroom/office in his parents' basement.
- He makes this flight on a regular basis because there are a heckuva lot of Star Trek and comic book conventions in the Orlando area.
- He plays mandolin in a folk trio.
- He eats 30 pounds of beef jerky every month.

And please don't blame ME for your decision to leave your dear wife.

Have a nice trip home.

Uvulapie said...

On Wednesdays he powders his hair, walks bent over, and wears an monocle so that he can get the Senior Citizen discount at the local buffet.

He once had a body in his basement but he was just holding it for a friend, a friend who never showed up, thus forcing him to dispose of said body. Hence the start of the jerky habit.

His first wife (not either of the two current wives) played the pan flute.

Sniz said...

I posted a comment yesterday, but the darn computer ate it. You know how it is, honey.

Did the guy look like Captain Kirk with a smashed in face? I think I know him! If you were a flight attendant lucky enough to be called "honey", then you'd also be the lucky recipient of a business card with a little sewing kit taped to the back. Good ole Kirk isn't stingy when it comes to impressing the gals with his sweet moola.

Toni said...

His name is Bubba and he taught me all about "dawgs" last week. Btw, when he tried to rub my arm, I bit him. Jerky makin' rich car salesmen. Gotta watch them every time.

scott said...

I'd like to hear some quality stories about how many times Ms Sniz got called "Honey" by guys like this, back in the day. And all greasy salesman that sit in business class, hitting on flight attendants, shall henceforth be known as "Lance."

Mr. E said...

His name is Ronald Dean! He has a family but probably doesn't know their birthdays or if his "kids" are even involved in any activities at school, other than being involved with the opposite sex. His wife probably is glad he is gone for a while. He is attentive to names, as indicated by knowing the names of flight attendants. I am assuming the flight attendant whose arm he was rubbing was a female, so that would make him a slightly balding man, who does not know the meaning of boundaries. He is also insisitive and dismissive of women and probably looks down on them. (Which also explains his lack of attention to his ?wife? and family by going out of town so often.)30 pounds of beef jerky, may suggest he is a fat red-neck similar in nature to "Larry the Cable Guy", who's work in the automotive sales industry means, he probably sales used cars or rent-to-own vehicles! Not sure what "Hackin'" with someone means, but didn't Billy the Kid kill someone for that? (ref. to Young Guns)

Hunny Bee May said...

About the's not beef. It's roadkill. If he ever offers you any, politely decline. Especially if he says it's "mesquite", (i.e. he smoked it after scraping it). He'll be offended, but only slightly. Just rub his arm a little and he'll be fine.

Then I'd get the heck out of Dodge cuz that dude is cracked.

Rose Starr said...

It's been a long time since I've laughed out loud reading a blog! So funny!

I read your wife's blog...after reading Toni's for awhile. We are home school freaks too...we stand out big time in a city!

I'm loving all the comments especially the first funny!