Monday, December 3, 2007

Making the Most of Your Starbucks Visit

Okay, so I know that I dumped on Starbucks in my last post, but I genuinely like the place. They have become so big that they're an easy target these days, but I think they have a great product. With that in mind, I've developed a few tricks of the trade to make sure that you get the most of your Starbucks experience.

First, know your cup sizes. This has been discussed way too many times in popular media for me to attempt to be original, so I'll just state the facts:

Tall = Small
Grande = Medium
Venti = Large
Loco = 55 gallon drum

Starbucks Trick #1 - Just say, "No" to Loco
Don't order the "Loco" size unless you're really thirsty and have about five days worth of work you want to catch up on in just five hours (or, if you've given up sleep for lent).

Starbucks Trick #2 - Small Portion in Bigger Cup

If you like to add cream, milk, ice cubes, whatever--order a smaller size cup of coffee in a bigger glass. Believe it or not, the Starbucks people are ready for this trick. Otherwise, if you order a Tall cup of coffee, the Starbucks attendant might ask, "Would you like me to leave room for cream?" This can be translated as, "Would you like me to purposefully short you on your order so I can resell it to the next customer?" It's brilliant on their part, but you can easily get around this by saying, "I'd like a Tall cup of coffee in a Grande glass." Suddenly, you're a genius. Not only do you get all of the coffee you paid for, you're also getting a few extra cubic inches of paper coffee cup--at no cost!

Starbucks Trick #3 - Bigger Portion in Smaller Cup

Here's where it gets fun. Once you've proven to your local barista that you know your way around a cup of coffee with Starbucks Trick #2, you throw this one at them. Step up to the counter and say, "I'd like a Grande coffee in a Tall Cup" (i.e. I'd like a medium coffee in a small cup). Sure, you end up wasting about a half cup of coffee, but you get to watch Peppy pour it all over his hands while suffering only mild injuries that Starbucks' generous insurance premiums will cover. He'll be back behind the counter in six to eight weeks.


Uvulapie said...

Another good trick that I use whenever I got to Starbucks (which, I'm pretty sure is once when my wife insisted that I try their Pumpkin Pie Frappalatte that turned out not to be as good as the first time she had it... kids, it pays to tip your barista) is to bring in your own container, such as a sieve or a slotted spoon.

scott said...

What is this "Starbucks" you speak of?

Sniz said...

I want the loco size. It must be new and you know I always get my money's worth out of the X-large size of anything.

JAN said...

Mike was having a bad day the other day and he went into Starbucks for a cup. He ordered a
Tall Grande.
"Um, sir, you just ordered 2 sizes. Would you like to try again?"

Robotface Shumway (Big Doofus) said...

That reminds me of a scene from the Academy Award winning movie Dumb & Dumber when Lloyd (Jim Carrey) and Harry (Jeff Daniels) are at a diner and they ask the waitress, "What is the Soup Du Jour?"

She replies, "It's the Soup of the Day."

To which Lloyd responds, "Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that."

Mr. E said...

Great Blog...My wife and I frequent Starbucks on occassion if we wish to overpay for our coffee. It is worth it though!

Qtpies7 said...

You are a naughty little guy, aren't you? LOL Now I know where the sarcasm came from in the "I gave myself this award Award" came from.