Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Bring on the Googins

If you've read this blog for any number of years you're probably chained to a computer without knowledge of how to search for other sites more worthy of your time. Also, you may remember that I blatantly ripped off a post from Uvulapie on the name Googins...

Imagine my glee when just the other day as I was watching the Cincinnati Reds beat the Houston Astros on TV when they decided to interview the head baseball coach for Xavier University--none other than Scott GOOGINS!

Admit it, there's no other name that's as fun to say as "GOOGINS!"

Monday, May 25, 2009

I Saw One of These Today...

(Note: I didn't take this picture.)

I'm kind of a bird watcher and today I was fortunate enough to see a scarlet tanager. I was able to put a check mark on the corresponding page of my Birds of Indiana Field Guide.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Red Gun Shoe Alarm

Thanks to the handy Internet Anagram Service (also known as I Rearrangement Servant) I was able to determine that my complete name (not "Big Doofus") makes some pretty cool anagrams. My personal favorite is...

Red Gun Shoe Alarm

I'm sure that it means something, right?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Leaving a Legacy for Former Co-workers

Four years ago I used to work for a manufacturing company with a large office (250 + people) located in the Northwest side of Indianapolis. It was a fine job and I enjoyed my time there. However, I left for an opportunity too good to pass up. As is almost always the case with me and employers, I left on good terms. There's no good reason to burn bridges when it comes to providing for a family--especially in today's economy.

While I didn't leave on bad terms, I did leave them with something bad. It seems that just the other day quite a few employees were complaining about a horrible smell coming from the upstairs snack room. There's a refrigerator located there to keep lunches and snacks cool. At the time, I had a cheap little red lunch bag that I lugged to work most days. Today I got a call from my former boss and some co-workers (they put me on speaker phone) about the source of the smell. It seems that my little red lunch bag had something in it when I left--something for everyone. An odor so bad that it had to be removed. Of course, I had my name on the bag just in case it ever turned up missing. Now my name and my lunch bag are part of their corporate culture.

(NOTE: It's just a total coincidence that the subject of my last two posts have involved red bags.)

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Staples Clearance Sections

I'm going to vent just a bit. I find myself in Staples way too often picking up certificates, labels, presentation folders, special mailing envelopes, etc. One thing I've noticed over the past year or so is that they've devoted more and more space for big fancy CLEARANCE sections throughout the entire store. Nothing attracts bargain savvy customers like a CLEARANCE section.

The universally accepted idea of a CLEARANCE section (and I'm not sure why I'm still spelling it with all capital letters, but why change it now?) is that you put items there that you want to get rid of...and you drop the price so as to facilitate the process. You all get that, right? In fact, some of you have probably worked in retail and you understand that this is how it works.

But Staples either doesn't get the concept or they're hoping that people are retarded enough to buy a 2009 desk calendar in the middle of May marked down to just $18.99 when you can buy similar calendars (or even better ones) for the same price or less in the non CLEARANCE areas. It doesn't matter what item you find in the Staples CLEARANCE section, IT WILL NOT BE A BARGAIN. For instance, leather and leatherette laptop cases are in the front of the store on a CLEARANCE table starting at just...$79.99! Discontinued markers are ON CLEARANCE for just $5.99. Who pays $5.99 for a marker?

The Staples definition of CLEARANCE is...

"Let's see how much we can get someone to pay for this if we put it in a CLEARANCE section."
So, I challenge you all. The next time you're out, stop into a Staples and tell me what you see.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Cost Effective Alternative to Invisible Fence

I've been pricing invisible fences used to keep dogs in your own yard. Online it looks like you can pay anywhere from $150 - $300 for these systems depending on how big of a yard you have and what area you wish to protect. However, I came up with an alternative to these invisible fence systems that's incredibly cost efficient:

It's Invisible Dog! There are so many benefits to Invisible Dog (besides the fact that I saved hundreds of dollars on an invisible fence):

  • Invisible poop
  • Invisible messes in our house
  • Invisible dog hair
  • Invisible vet comes with dog
  • Runs on invisible batteries or invisible dog food (whatever you choose)
  • 100% Silent barking, crying, yelping.
If you want one, just send me a check for $150.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mr. Velvet Ears

While watching the Reds game (i.e. Reds fiasco--they lost 15 - 3 to the Brewers) with my 15-year-old son, the announcers started talking about baseball legend Bob Ueker. Ueker is better known for his sense of humor and acting skills than for his baseball skills. They mentioned that he used to be on a very popular 1980's sitcom called Mr. Belvedere.

"Oh, yeah," I said to anyone listening in the room. "I forgot that Bob Ueker was on Mr. Belvedere."

My son, who was watching from the kitchen chimed in, "Who's Mr. Velvet Ears?"

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Happy Falker Satherhood

For many people, today is known as "Cinco de Mayo"--a Mexican holiday which, when translated to English, means "drink as many Coronas and/or maragaritas as you can during your lunch break."

But I wanted to take the time to wish you all a Happy Falker Satherhood. Falker Satherhood was celebrated in the tiny Eastern European country of Belgrid to commemorate the beginning of spring and the annual "Dancing Ritual of the Goats." If you've never experienced the joys of goat dancing and Falker Satherhood, you don't know what you're missing. Obviously, you're an uncultured buffoon!

But seriously folks, Falker Satherhood is NOT a holiday--as far as we know. However, there's a small bakery somewhere in these United States that either thinks it's a holiday or decided to make one up (they're probably in cahoots with the greeting card industry looking for a new day to sell overpriced cards). To get the real story on Falker Satherhood, be sure to pop over to Cake Wrecks.

And Happy Falker Satherhood to you and yours!

Monday, May 4, 2009

I Cannot Understand

This weekend I was trying to reason with my 12-year-old daughter about how her emotions were getting the best of her. She was able to tell me that there was no real reason for the struggle she was having so I told her that all she had to do was tell herself the truth and rise above it.

[ATTENTION MEN: At this point, all of the ladies who read this blog are already laughing.]

She responded by saying, "Well, Daddy, you don't understand because...

________ ________ ________ ________ ________."

Fill in the blanks by leaving me a comment if you think you know the answer (or just want to make up something silly.).