Friday, January 22, 2010

Go Ahead and Spit it Out

Recently I figured out something that revolutionized the communication in my marriage. Now, I don't normally like to brag about my own marriage or the ideas that I come up with it to make it even better, but I'm going to do it now--deal with it.

I think it's fair to say that most wives and women in general LIKE to communicate. In fact, they like it SO much that they purposefully schedule times to do just that. Guys, can you remember the last time that you called one of your buddies and said, "You and I need to talk," or "We need to get together so we can talk about this and that." It just doesn't happen all that much. When my wife wants to talk to me about something she has always felt the need to let me know that it was her intention to do so. In other words, things would be going along just fine and then she'd let loose with the dreaded, "Honey, sometime we need to talk about such and such," or "When we go to dinner tonight I want to talk about this and that." In many cases there would be a list of items that were going to be on the discussion agenda.

For some reason, this has always driven me nuts. I'd spend all of that time in between the talk wondering what it was that we were going to get into when things commenced. In fact, I'd often want what I called a "heads up" so that I wouldn't be caught off guard. Sometimes she'd even introduce the beginning of conversations with, "I'd like to talk to you about such and such," and then start at it. I don't like to be told what we're going to talk about. I'd rather just let it happen. That's how I roll and I suspect there are a lot of other guys out there who are wired the same way. So, we came up with a new rule. When she wants to talk about something and there's time to talk about it, all she has to do is start talking about it. Not only does the conversation not need an introduction, it actually deters me me from wanting to talk about it because in my mind I'm thinking about everything that may or may not transpire. If there's no time to talk at the moment, she can catch me later on. It's not like she and I are strangers who seldom see each other.

Believe it or not, this has been a huge blessing for me. And a blessing for me when it comes to communication in the marriage turns out to be a blessing for her as well. Sometimes she'll start to introduce a subject of conversation and will catch herself--or I'll put the kibash on it. No introductions are needed. Just spit it out. I'm here for her now.


Steve Martin said...

What a great topic!

But it makes me uncomfortable...and I'd rather not discuss it right now.

Arby said...

Guys talking about communication. That's a new low for this blog.

Just kidding.

Hey, congratulations. Anything that improves communication between a husband and a wife and lowers aggravation is a good thing.

Oklahoma Granny said...

Hmmm. That's interesting. The reason I usually say those words is to give my husband time to collect his thoughts on the subject before we talk about whatever it is.

Maybe I'll just try it your way and see how it goes. Thanks for a guy's point of view.

Sniz said...

Honey, later I want to talk to you about....oh, nevermind.

Me said...

My husband says he can't talk about things unless he has had time to think about it.

That means he needs time to come up with some good excuses.