Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Great Mysteries of the World - Volume 1

The world is filled with mysteries. For instance, why is it that the monarch butterfly migrates thousands of miles to Mexico every year (why not go to Disney World)? I think about things like this every day to the point that it makes my head hurt. Therefore, I've decided to start jotting some of them down in a little post I like to call, "Great Mysteries of the World - Volume 1." Enjoy.

1. The Disney Vault - Since I brought up Disney World, it only makes sense to ponder the notion of the mysterious "Disney Vault" where Walt Disney movies go to die or hibernate. Again, I bring up the monarchs--think of how much more money the folks at Disney could make if their vaulted movies were covered with beautiful frolicking monarch butterflies?. But what is this "Disney Vault" anyway? Who decides when a movie needs to go there? Is it like a punishment that a movie gets for bad behavior or poor box office performance? When a movie re-emerges after "serving time" in the vault, does it become tougher? For instance, if Mary Poppins serves a few years in the vault does that movie suddenly gain "street cred."

2. The McDonalds McRib Sandwich - Just when you think that the McRib is down for the count, it comes back and it's always announced with great fanfare by the marketing folks at McDonalds (well, it used to be this way--these days it just pops up somewhere under the golden arches). Even more mysterious is the fact that there are no actual ribs in a McRib sandwich. I think this has something to do with the fact that no real meat is used in the laboratory where the McRib is produced. And where does the McRib go when it's not around? I believe that the remaining supply of McRib sandwiches end up guessed it...the Disney Vault. When Mary Poppins is released to DVD and Blu-Ray in 2010, pay close attention as the McRib sandwiches (which are scientfically engineered to have a shelf life of over 150 years) will find their way out of the vault and next to your french fries.

I'll come up with Volume 2 when I have enough good ideas. Feel free to send them to me by leaving a comment.


Arby said...

I'm more interested in what the signage dude was drinking for lunch when he put up the words "McRib is Back." It certianly wasn't anything sold at McDonald's! Apparently,
"centering" is not taught at McDonald's University.

Sniz said...

Arby, you said it! But seriously Big Doofus? You could get a endless supply of entries out of the "mysteries of the world" topic.

elephantschild said...

There's no meat in McRib? ARGH! My innocence is lost!

Uvulapie said...

If I were to postulate a theory it would be that the evil Disney corporation has secretly genetically modified Monarch butterflies in this country to transport their McRib Sandwichs under cover of darkness. Similar to the rum/slave/cheetos triangle of years gone by, the butterflies carry McRib sammiches from the bowels of Mexico (where they are assembled out of red clay and ground up DVDs in sweat shops) to your local McDonalds. They pick up a load of leftover Disney-themed Happy Meal toys and take them to the Disney vault where they are dropped in the vault to fester. They then pick up a load of "vaulted" DVDs to take to Mexico where the cycle begins again. It's not as crazy as it sounds when you follow the money trail. Hanna Barbera tried the same thing in the 70s with Burger Chef and migratory dung beetles but the CIA got involved and the chain folded.

Mr. E said...

Uggh! I hate the McRib, I wish it would go down for the count.

The Disney vault allows the Disney Corp. to add stuff to future additions of the movie, such as deleted scenes, interviews with the cast, etc... or to upgrade the quality of the film. What is really funny is when they say a movie will go into the vault forever. Really, forever! Yea, at least until the next generation of DVD or video projection comes out.

Here is a larger mystery...who thought of putting Thousand Island dressing on a Big Mac and calling it "Special Sauce"?

Rebekah said...

I never understood the McRib thing- and I understood even less after I ate one. I dont think I ever want to know what it is actually made of. blech

Hunny Bee said...

I think the centering "mistake" was done on purpose. It's secret code. says M.I.A. if read vertically.
Somebody or something trying to warn us that some component of the McRib is M.I.A.
I'm guessing it's the meat part. I tried one of those sandwiches once and I think it was just bread, sauce (a hell of a lot of sauce) and playdough. Come to think of it, my two-year-old made something similar for me the other day. I just laughed and threw it in the trash. Never crossed my mind that someone might want to buy it from me. Hmmm.....
Anyhoo, I think the sign guy was trying to warn us without actually losing his job.
Thanks sign guy. We read you loud and clear.

scott said...

I was probably about 9 when the McRib first appeared on the scene. I thought it was the greatest tasting thing in all the world. What did I know.

You know what was great? A good Beef, Bacon, and Cheddar sandwich from Rax. I miss Rax.

Randy said...


You are a stitch! Your humor is contagious. Thanks for a nice and funny post to give me a smile.

Your friend,