Today I found a rare gem on the Internet. Honestly, I don't know how old this page is or who the author is. No...wait a minute...I take that back. The author is "Betsy" and she may have resided in Bloomington, Indiana at some point in her life. However, I know nothing else about her or the site that hosts these amazing stories. I hope that you, too, are inspired by the likes of Fred the Chicken, Bob the Rabbit, Pete the Iguana, Halberd the Worm, Millie the Hummingbird, Rory the Smiling Squirrel, and Sam the Anteater.
The original link to these stories is here, but I've decided to post all of them in fear that they may some day be removed. Betsy, if you're still out there, we need more stories like this--stories that really make you think.
Pointless StoriesOk, the truth is that I just decided to search for "Pointless Stories" via Google and this was the first thing I found. It reminds me of something that I'd write (or that Jason or Scott would create back in our The Daily Journal Days). So there.
for the easily amused
Fred the chicken was always a happy chicken. He liked to play with his friends, and go swimming in the lake. One day, his friends, who were all chickens, asked what he did when he didn't play. He said swim. So they said chickens can't swim. So he told them that they were just jealous, and went swimming. And he was eaten by a frog. Always listen to your friends.
Bob the rabbit lived a placid existence. He slept and he ate, he ate and he slept. And when he didn't do either of those, he spent time thinking. He was a fairly good philosopher, and one day he came up with the idea, I think therefore I am. Considering that enough thinking for one day, he went to go find something to eat. And poof, he departed from existence.
Pete the iguana never really fit in. Sure, he was green and scaly, he climbed trees with the best of them, and he stuck his tongue out as much as was socially required. But he just didn't like the berries. So, as the other lizards ate more and more of the berries, he just slept in the sun. Until the day he got eaten by the bear because there weren't any more berries.
Halberd the worm lived in a flowerpot. He loved his flowerpot, and watching the plant inside grow and grow. Every day, after tunneling through the soil, he would sit by the plant, chewing on a dead leaf and talking to him. It seemed that every day, what he considered the head of the plant would be closer and closer to him, as if appreciating his talk. It even seemed to smile at him, with its happy green teeth. Until he realized what the real reason was, as the plant began to digest him.
Millie the hummingbird loved to talk. She'd talk to fence posts, turtles, old shoes, anything just as long as they didn't try to get a word in edgewise. She talked so much that her friend stopped paying attention, the turtles stayed in their shells, and creature avoided her area like the plague. Pretty soon, the only thing left for her to talk to were the fence posts, and they got boring. So Millie wandered down to the river, where she saw a log. She talked to it for hours. And then, there was a sudden silence. And the log opened its two gleaming eyes and smiled
SAM THE ANTEATER STORIES
Sam the anteater was a jealous little critter. His best friend was an armadillo, and he couldn't get over his awesome armor. I'll trade you, he said one day. Your armor for my fur. No way, his friend said. Find your own, his friend said. So, Sam went back home. And built himself the most awesome armor out of scrap metal, even more awesome than his friend's. And as he went to show it to him, the lightning struck.
Sam the anteater was a happy anteater. He lived in the forest, and liked to skip along, picking flowers and singing happy songs to all of his woodland friends, the cheerful chipmunk, the smiling squirrel, and the merry moose. They all loved Sam, and would often collaborate for musical numbers celebrating their happy existence. They all lived together in the forest, forever, eternally blissful and content with their own self esteem and destiny of infinite sunny days with puffy white clouds and azure skies.
Rory the smiling squirrel was going for a walk one day. He said hello to Mr. Sun, and to the seven clouds in the sky, whom he had thoughtfully named Horbert, Gilfred, Kilzo, Bofert, Lolput, and Wendell. His best friend Sam the anteater though, disagreed. HE wanted to name the clouds Chuckles, Mr. Fluff-ums, Happy, Lucky, Sparkles, Giggles, and Puffy. So, Sam decided to act. He pulled out his feather, and proceeded to tickle Rory to death, who choked on his own laughter. This made Sam laugh, and pretty soon there were two dead animals, and not a cloud left in the sky. Which suited the vultures just fine.