Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Call all the Churches

Well, I suppose it's a good time to bring up ANOTHER one of my former job experiences. This time, I'll pull from the Angry Gun-toting Talk Show Host producer job. Many years ago, I used to produce a syndicated radio talk show. As you can probably guess, the host of the show had a very short fuse and carried a 9mm Glock. He was also extremely greedy, selfish, immature, a womanizer, controlling, etc.--a real piece of work for someone that was idolized by a rather large group of adoring fans who were also convinced that Black Helicopters from the government were spying on them.

Desperate for attention and better ratings, he would purposefully say the most shocking things on the air to get attention (often at the expense of the person he was talking about or talking to). He also wanted his staff to work hard to build up the listener base. Now, there are many tried and true ways of going about this task, but we had to do what the host wanted to do because he was in control. So, one day, when we were brainstorming ideas to grow the show, he walked in and screamed, "Call all the churches!!!" Of course, how could we have missed that? Immediatly we opened the Yellow Pages to the church section and started dialing. Surely, all of these God-fearing churches would want to listen to an angry man spouting off on the radio for three hours every evening.

Actually, we didn't call a single church. We nodded in agreement and waited for him to leave so we could silently laugh. To this day, when I'm not sure what to do, I say to myself, "Call all the churches."


toni in the midst said...

BAHAHAHAHA! I couldn't get past the 9mm glock without snorting banana popcicle up my nose (yes, truth be told, I raid them from the kids' stash from time to time.)

Call all the churches. That is hysterical. And sadly, I've known a "folk" or two in day who would fit that description nicely.

Now, speaking of radio jobs, my "baby" brother had THEE BEST job in the world at 16 (thanks to moi). He worked for our local radio station on air, Monday-Friday 3-7pm. Chicks dug him, lol.
Of course, it only lasted about 2 months live, and then he only plugged in (or whatever you call it), as they went heavy metal and broadcast for z-rock out of TX somewhere. I'm pretty sure he was never required to call any churches (LOL, waaaay too funny).

Hangman said...

"Call all the churches" is right up there with "Got milk" and "Eat more cheese" in my book.

Also, "Spleen rules" is another favorite.

Sniz said...

ROTFL! (I bet you didn't think I knew what that means, but I'm clever that way.) I think you need to write a song. Kinda like the Genesis hit "Calling All Stations". (You know the one you listen to every night as you're falling asleep?)