I was in my car and on the way to a business meeting today when I noticed a package of Air Heads that one of my kids left in the car. I'm kind of a kid at heart, so I decided to munch on one of these things while making my way to my appointment. If you're not familiar with Air Heads, they're sort of like an extra sweet, intensely flavored taffy. You get a flat stick with flavors like Watermelon, Cherry, Strawberry, Mystery (don't know what that's supposed to be) and "Blue Raspberry." In addition to intense flavors, they also use intense food colors and I walked into my meeting with a dark blue tongue. [WRITERS EMBELLISHMENT] I wasn't sure how to explain it when they asked me about it and this was a potentially BIG business deal. So, I faked a heart attack on the spot and they attributed the blue tongue to some sort of loss of blood flow to my head. As I was being wheeled out to the ambulance, I handed my clients the papers to sign and the deal was closed. I even jacked up the price and I think they paid it out of pity.
3 days ago